I'm actually a non-ADHDer dealing with a husband, son, daughter, and father-in-law who have ADHD. It is difficult to accept the impulsiveness, quirkyness, and forgetfulness as anything more than bad behavior and lack of motivation because that's what I've always been told.

The way I have coped is to seek out information such as when I learned that there is quantifiable differences in the brain waves of the ADHD and non-ADHD brain. Basically, there a 3 types of brain waves: the first 2 being related to sleep and day dreaming, the third, is the fastest and related to focusing. Not surprisingly, the ADHD brain doesn't reach the 3rd stage of brain waves enough, often being stuck in the slower day-dreaming brain waves. For me, that helps me to get past the "if you cared about me you'd be less ..." etc, and say "I know you have a condition which makes it hard to _ and I forgive you." Still I demand an attempt at less impulsiveness etc, like I tell my son "ADHD is a challenge, not an excuse". My husband is a good example of the ADHD'er that isn't letting his condition control the outcome of his life. His symtoms do crop up from time to time, and he get's frustrated with them, but they don't interfere with the happiness or success of his life.

I think time will make things better, knowledge will give insight, and if both parties make an attempt to meet halfway, even better. I feel that if it gets really bad between daughter and dad, it has more to do with her being a teenager than dad being an ADHDer. Good luck!

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